Finishing Fulfilled

I know that sometime, in the possibly not too distant future, I may be sitting in my living room, baby on lap, banana on pajamas and graham cracker in hair, remembering fondly the days when I used to work. You know, put on a silky blouse, a suit jacket and pencil skirt. Jump in my car. Work on my laptop in coffee shops.

The thing is, I'm looking forward to that wistful memory. Is it weird to look forward to nostalgia?

Possibly. It also might make me sound a little nutty when I admit that I finally feel ready to be done. Physically--well, I think I was ready to be done quite a while ago. But mentally, I now feel completely ready. And not in the all-fed-up, get-me-outta-here way that was starting to set in a few months ago.

Today, at the end of our weekly management meeting, the CEO looked at me at said a few words. (I have to warn you - this may end up getting braggy. But I think the future, banana-pelted me might need to remember these words- so I apologize for being a bit self indulgent.)

He talked about what a good job I'd done managing two jobs, even doing both of them longer than I had originally planned, while we hunted and failed and hunted again for a replacement. He mentioned how grateful they were for me caring enough to stay on and said that I would be missed.

The irony was that he had just spent the previous 20 minutes chastising our team over some management issues (fortunately that I was mostly unaware of).  He said that he hoped the management team would rise to the status that I would be willing to return one day a few years down the road if I wanted to.

Of course, I couldn't help but saying that, after his heartwarming speech, I'd have to think about it.

Then we laughed and joked and my replacement brought out a "Good Luck" cake to me. And I felt quite appreciated. Fulfilled. Ready to be done in every way.

Me with my replacement at work

Hugs ensued and our COO slipped me a note. She wrote, "You are a kind and dedicate person and those qualities come through in your worth ethic as well. You have represented GCSA very well..."

Reading that note in my car after work, some of my past frustrations melted away. I felt appreciated enough to leave with only good memories. Ready to overlook the negativity that seeps into even the best work places sometimes.

For the past two weeks, I've been training my replacement. She's a really nice lady and she'll do a great job. It's weird that I still care about that, but I do.

I'll be done on Wednesday. I'll get to be spend my time with Eli. I admit that I'm a little nervous about the transition, but I am mostly excited, expectant and happy. Ready to end this thrilling and demanding and interesting part of my life and begin a whole new one.

It's funny what a little cake can do. 

Ancient Trees & Nutty Nephews

After all the fun at the Vintage Spring Event, I decided to stay in California for a day or two.

I've always wanted to see the Redwood trees there. When Mike and I were newly married, we even made it to the parking lot of Muir Woods just north of San Fransisco to be deterred away by a $14 entrance fee. I've kinda kicked myself for that act of frugality and decided that Eli and I would meander through the forest while on our way over to see some of my family.

It was pretty incredible. I'm a nerd - I love almost any tree. These trees warranted even more love than I can describe. They were so ancient and awesome.

After that, I headed over to see my sister, Linda, and her two boys, Theo and Lucas. It's been about 6 years since I have seen them and even though, in my mind, I knew they were all grow up, it was still crazy to see my nephews towering over me. I had so much fun with them and, following my sister's commands, they had lots of fun babysitting Eli while I visited with her.

We even stayed up late, Lucas playing his guitar and harmonica while Eli enthusiastically waved his hands and stared in awe, Theo doing a whole slew of extremely impressive impersonations and... well, yes, I may have recited a monologue in my Jersey accent.

Even though we may not look a lot alike, I suppose we've all inherited a flair for the dramatic.

After the night at Linda's, I headed over to Sacramento and met up with all the ladies in Mike's family for a great lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and a very calm night at Mike's parents' house before heading home. What a trip!

Vintage Spring Sorbet Event

Oh, what a day! Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong decade. Oxford shoes and cashmere sweaters always sound so appealing, I adore Audrey Hepburn and Carey Grant, and I spent a large portion of my Tuesday nights as a teenager swing dancing.

But sometimes... or some days, rather, I get the feeling that I was meant to exist at exactly this place and time.

The Vintage Spring Event was such a day.

There was homemade sorbet, floppy hats, cooking classes by the pool, mint and oregano for sale in the garden, shopping in the shed, and a world famous singer--Mindy Gledhill--sitting next to me at lunch. I don't think 2012 could get any better, actually.

See what I mean? Amazing. Becca and I helped contribute to the ambiance a little bit, sewing banners and stringing a few up and writing on all the chalkboards the day before the event (a feat which we were inordinately proud of on event day). But mostly we watched the babies and cheered other people along on the efforts to make this day special for a lot of beautiful women who deserve to be pampered occasionally.


Here's us loving life on event day.  And, just because I am inclined to love taking photographs, a few more for good measure.


Such a sunshiny, beautiful day with babies who indulged us by taking long naps. Speaking of babies, do they even get any cuter than this?

I submit not. I'm very lucky that I got to get so very much away.

To Relax

Ah, vacation. You + me = this.

Yes, that's right. Nearly heaven.

My pal, Becca, invited me to this extraordinarily decadent and delicious weekend her mother-in-law hosts every other spring at her home near Yosemite. Since I had enough miles to fly for free, I decided to be a bit extravagent and head for the hills to celebrate me being (95%) done with working.

I can't lie. I did a whole lotta nothing. There was lounging by the pool, eating way too much food, watching Downton Abbey, exploring the beautiful countryside by foot and super fast dune buggy, helping make fun banners to decorate, eating some more and playing with the scumptious babies (Eli and Ellie, if you can believe that).

We also had a really fun night before the event. Teresa (party planner extraordinaire) took us down to the lake by their property and we had a fun barbeque. After the meal, we all got lotus flowers that we made wishes on and then sent out into the lake. It was so beautiful watching them float across the water in the moonlight. What a magical night!

It Begins

I escaped.

Work, mostly. But also the other little things that add stress to my life. My vacation destination: 6 days in Boise, 8 days in California, and 1 very long layover in Utah. Like so:

I've been everywhere, man. And yes, I felt much like a modern day pioneer. With the exception of a significantly higher altitude.

I wasn't planning on going to Boise originally, but my mom ended up needing surgery for some pain she's been having relating to her breast cancer (she's now in remission). So, to Boise I went!

Pops and I gardened and weeded the flower bed. Eli got lots of time sitting on Gram's lap playing the piano. I enjoyed the cooler weather and strolled around lots admiring all the blooming trees. Eli loved the toys Mom dug out of the garage for him (even mastering the play-two-toys-at-once trick).

We even took a fun little day trip up to Idaho City to browse through some old shops and let Eli have his first taste of ice cream.

Do you think he liked it? Eli even surprised us all by deciding to stand up all by himself in a cute little park. Crazy kiddo.  What a great start to our vacation!

Mr. 9 Months

Eli is growing so fast and is such a busy little guy. We had his 9 month appointment about a week ago and he is:

• 29 inches long (60th percentile)
• 21 pounds  (60th percentile)

So, even though he feels so heavy to me, he isn't quite the chunker he used to be. Some fun new developments include:

• Saying "Mom" (his first word), the "Bob" for Dad and finally "Dada." Dada is now his favorite word and he goes around the house saying it and looking for Mike.
• Crawling the stairs. Holy guacamole, this guy can move!
• Chasing the Roomba. Eli's favorite past time is still chasing the Roomba. He gets both hands on it, sticks his bum up in the air and walks behind it, squealing the whole way. 
• Sleeping from 8:30 p.m. to 8 a.m. Okay, this is mostly good news for Mommy, but let's just say I'm very, very happy lately. 
• Successfully cutting three teeth. There's still a lot of drool going on.
• Tipping his head way back and flashing a huge, cheesy grin when he catches your eye.

He still loves flirting with strangers (I have to double my time in the store when going out lately because all these people want to talk to me... er, him), playing with Daddy when Mike gets home from work and being outside.

Oh yes, and happy Easter!  

Look at me!

Playing in water for the first time.

Handsome baby

Look at those eyes!

This Easter basket is hilarious!

Hi, y'all!

And just got kicks, a video of Eli climbing the stairs:

Park Pals

On Thursdays and Fridays when I need to work, Eli has a little buddy that he gets to play with at "Aunt Sunny's" house. Zachy and Eli are only a few months apart and are equally entertained and perplexed with each other. The other day, Sunny and I met at the park to play with the little guys. 

Woo hoo!

Cutie patooties.

All tuckered out.

Eli all but fell asleep in the swing, but they sure were cute while they were having fun!

The Whole Story (About My Failed Attempt to Quit Work)

When I found out I was pregnant, I was pretty much in shock (see here).

Once the shock dissipated, I was overjoyed. I also started instantly thinking about all the changes this little baby would bring into our lives. One of the main changes would be whether I would start working again after taking my three months maternity leave (oh, what I would have given to live in Sweden where Mike and I could have split 16 months of leave at 80% pay!).

After those few months staying at home, I just couldn't get enough of sweet little Eli. I dreaded going back to work. Being a mom to an itty bitty newborn was so rewarding, so beautiful and so fleeting.

Mike and I talked quite a bit and, after seeing how much work Little Man required, we agreed that we would try out this whole me-staying-at-home thing. I was pretty darn excited. We decided that I would go back for a month or two, let my boss know I was going to be quitting and offer to stay on to train a new person.

It seemed the responsible thing to do.

Flash forward to the day I came back from maternity leave (this was late September). My boss, the department director, had also had a baby and was coming back to work the same day I was. She was supposed to meet with our new CEO for lunch and then I was going to meet him at one of our clinics for what I expected to be a nice little meet and greet. Something along the lines of, "Hi, I'm Allison. I'm awesome. This is why you pay me the big bucks."

However, at our first meeting, I got dropped with the bomb that my boss was quitting and suddenly my little meet and greet turned into an impromptu job interview. For the Marketing Director position at one of the biggest GI practices in the United States. The big bucks would significantly increase... as would the stress and amount of hours. The new CEO kept on bringing up scary words, like "full-time," "in the office more," "more meetings and committees," etc.

Let's just say, if I hadn't just had a baby, I would have been stoked. I would have been fighting for the position like no one's business. I can be pretty competitive, and I'm sure my PowerPoint/theatrical skills would have come equally in handy.

But I had just had a baby. My sweet little munchkin. And I knew that, no matter what, I didn't want to work one more hour than I had to. So, I told the CEO that I was definitely not interested in going full-time. In my head, I was trying to figure out how this would fit into my plans to leave in a few months. Would they hire another part-time director that I would work with for a few months?

Long story short, about two months later, the physicians decided they wanted one full-time person instead of two part-time people. They were going to "let me go gracefully" or something along those lines. One of my doctor friends called me after the board meeting where this was decided to clue me in so I would be prepared when I met with the CEO the next day, which really was one of those tender mercies of the Lord that allowed me to be a graceful and classy business woman (instead of a hurt, mopy, confused adolescent one).

I was pretty conflicted. I didn't want to be full-time. I didn't even want to be working, truth be told. But having this crazy opportunity thrown at me last minute seemed like it might be the world throwing me a final attempt at glory. Maybe it was. Either way, I was feeling pretty confused about the whole situation. I knew what a good employee I was, and it just plain hurt that these people I had worked so hard for were willing to let me go. Even if that was what I wanted.

Maybe it was partially the hormones, but I felt like my beautiful clarity had been marred.

Thanks to my doctor friend tipping me off, I was able to be cordial during the meeting with the CEO and I even told him that this was all probably for the best, considering I would prefer staying at home with sweet Eli anyway. He was pretty taken aback that I took everything in stride. He may have been expecting a table flip or something equally dramatic.

So, our agreement was that I would stay on 30 - 45 days while he recruited, we interviewed and then I trained my replacement. I would probably be done by the end of February.

Fast forward to now. I'm still working. I've been doing the Marketing Director position, averaging about 25 hours a week, a lot of those from home. I go to my weekly meetings, participate on various committees, plan events, do my office visits, work with our graphic & website designers and photographer and try to manage the requests of 15 physicians (some more demanding than others). I usually start working around 10 a.m. and finish about 4. I drop Eli off at a friend's house three days a week. Truth be told, it would be a pretty great position for a mom that has to work.

But I'm just so greedy of my time with Little Monster. This timer went off in my head when I heard the CEO say, "30 to 45 days." That was, like, 4 months ago. And we are still looking for a replacement for me.

It would seem I'm pretty darn hard to replace.

Part of me thinks, maybe they should have realized that before they decided to brush me off. But the majority of me is quite grateful they didn't.

I feel a bit strung on. Working still, trying to do my best, but never quite knowing which projects to tackle and which ones to table. And I feel a little guilty, because I know if I didn't have Eli, I would be devoting more time to my position.

But it's so clear to me that work isn't my priority. Eli is. And he's the best priority ever. (I mean, have you seen his face? His eyes? His gooby smile?)

I'm really, really hoping that we will hire someone within the next two weeks, but it's terrifically hard getting 15 physicians to agree on anything. I feel obligated to stay on until we find someone because I don't want all these terrific relationships I've built and resources I've made to get lost. Yes, I'm loyal.

To a fault, apparently. The ironic thing is, if we hire someone now, I'll be done in 30 to 45 days.

That sounds familiar.

Blue Bonnets

Thanks to all the rain this spring, the Texas Blue Bonnets and wildflowers are amazing this year. There's little field by our subdivision that I drive by every day and I couldn't help taking Eli over there to get his photo taken. 

Glad I have such a handsome little man to take photos of. A photo of me in the wildflowers might not be quite so endearing.
Ah, spring! How I love thee. Even the freeways by my house are pretty.

Yay!

That's a Big TV

All of Mike's dreams have finally come true. 

And, okay, yes, even I think it looks pretty darn cool.

Sherwood Forest Faire

This past weekend, us and the Wilcoxes decided to do something a little out of our comfort zone: head up to the totally-never-weird-at-all-Austin to  attend a Renaissance fair called the Sherwood Forest Faire. Sure, we almost ran out of gas on the way there and hit horrific traffic on the way back, but the fair itself was pretty cool. 

Here's some of the fun:

Dallin & I jousted.

I was a formidable opponent.

The boys were adorable side by side.

Mike & Dallin threw knives.

We saw lots of people really committed to the theme.

Eli met his first cow, goat and horse.

And Mike ate a turkey leg.

The coolest thing, besides the atmosphere--which really felt like you totally stepped back in time--was probably the jousting. These guys are crazy - they really joust! Like, it's not choreographed. In their spare time, they ride bulls. Yeah.

One of the knights giving a lady his rose.

The arena.

Overall, it was a super fun weekend! The funny thing is, I actually felt comfortable around all these crazy people... that's when I remembered, oh yeah, I used to be one of these crazy people! I could have worn any one of my old costumes from my Shakespeare play days and fit right in.

I definitely wouldn't mind going back. I think even Eli would approve.

 

Spinning

Eli and I had a fun day earlier this month. To celebrate me finally finishing the Cub Scouts rechartering process, Eli and I got to go to a park that I've been hearing about lately. My old boss' husband apparently designed a lot of it and she always mentioned how neat it was. The park lived up to my expectations, although it was a little too hot to stay long.

One of the best things they had was this really cool toy that Eli figured out before I did. It works based on inertia.

We also had fun swinging and admiring these neat hay men. Mommy felt pretty relieved that the rechartering was done. Yes! 

Said cool hay men.

Eli makes me laugh. He's either thinking deep thoughts or shooting out some Spidermen web.

He thought his shadow was pretty neat.

I'm looking forward to lots of days like this when I quite working (hopefully within the month) but there's definitely enough of them even now to make life sweet.