Love's Got To Do With It

Lately, it's been hitting me. Mike and I have been married for nearly eight years. We've known each other for ten. Yes, that's right. T-E-N years. We are officially one of those old married couples that seemed so experienced when we were newlyweds.

And, truth be told, we've learned a lot. Looking back, I remember some wonderfully happy times, day-to-day blurs of busy-ness and a few more-than-hard times too. Through all it all, I've loved Mike. He's loved me. Together, we've made it work. More often than not, we've made it more than work. A lot of times, we've made it great. So, in honor of our TENTH Valentine's day together, here's a little bit of what I've learned.

When we first started dating, I had an idea that every Valentine's Day was going to be something along the lines of this:




Source: Cardcow.com/images



You know, something low key and totally realistic.

Alright, let's face it. I had completely unattainable expectations. Poor Mike... well, he's a very sweet, sensitive guy, but I would describe him as romantic in the hot air balloon ride planning, serenade singing, fedora hat wearing kinda way.

This Valentine's Day, though, things have felt different. It might have taken me a few too many Valentine's Days to come around, but I finally felt a bit more free of traditional expectations. Sure, I'd never turn down flowers. Chocolate still sounded nice. But we decided to be a little more relaxed this year and avoid spending money since we just bought a ridiculously huge TV. I had bought a Groupon for a nice French restaurant a few months ago and the Young Women organization in our church volunteered to babysit for a few hours tonight. It was going to be awesome, yet easy.

And then I remembered Mike is in Cub Scouts. He won't be celebrating Valentine's Day with me, but with a bunch of 10 year old boys.

What should have been a bummer actually struck me as meaningful. Mike is fulfilling his calling, serving in the church and doing exactly what he should do. While it doesn't make for the most exiting Tuesday night, it makes me proud that he is Mike is my husband.

Oh yeah, and despite our little agreement, this is what I came home to after grocery shopping: pizza in the oven, one of my favorite flowers on the table and a gift that made me laugh.

Toni Morrison once said, "Love is never any better than the lover." That resonated with me because it spoke to all the women who love abusive men. If he isn't good, than the love isn't either, even if it might occasionally seem that way.

So, ten years after meeting my man, a few things have changed, including me. This day has been a surprise. Not in the, 'Hey, let's hop on this fine steed and ride him to a heart-shaped lagoon where we will swim with pink seahorses" kind of way. But in the realistic, rewarding, 'This is a good love with a good man' kind of way.

As I sit here, writing this blog and trying to keep Eli from hitting the "Delete" button on my laptop, I'm okay with  Mike being gone on Valentine's Day night. He's right where he should be.

Happy Valentine's Day to my good man.